Happy Healthy Mind – Let Me Disappoint You

Happy Healthy Mind – Let Me Disappoint You

It would be an understatement if I told you I was entering a whole new phase of my life. It’s really exciting though, as I usually think of my life and metamorphosis in chapters. Childhood, teenage years, raising my babies, and more. In my newest chapter, I can feel a huge shift in my time, energy, and focus. With that shift comes courageously facing some big challenges and fears though. I am placing more of an emphasis and priority in taking care of myself and my needs than ever before. Not only am I experiencing the freedom of changing and growing for the better, but so are my closest relationships.

I emphasis close relationships because I cherish my inner circle. I used to be the kinda of person that wanted and sought out a whole bunch of friends. Not only would I bend over backwards for them, but this behavior included all of my family too. I take full responsibility that I shaped my life in this way. Throughout the years, I honestly didn’t know any better, as I continually sought other people’s love and approval to validate myself. My focus, time, and energy used to go to helping fix and/or giving all my attention to others rather than myself and my needs. This ultimately led to a lot of frustration.  But now, to put it frankly, I don’t want, nor have time for one way relationships anymore. I really hope to share my experiences in case you can identify and maybe learn this freedom as well.

What’s really interesting is the people in my life that I used to repeatedly over-give to and, I believe, almost expected me to continue to do so. Why not, right? I see it baffles them that I have changed so much. But true friends that genuinely love and care for me, are supportive of my newfound emotional and mental strength.

They say you teach people how to treat you and I believe this wholeheartedly. One of the books that helped me to grow monumentally is by Cheryl Richardson: “The Art of Extreme Self Care”. One of the best chapters is called Let Me Disappoint You. I not only tried to apply this whole book personally, but also taught it in my women’s group Life Coaching class. All of us learned and valued this book very much.

I recently had to drag it back out to help me with a couple of challenges. Cheryl explains exactly how I felt when she told how her Life Coach saw that she was too concerned with what people thought of her and how she would bend over backward to be liked. To help her get over her need to be a good girl, he suggested she make one person angry everyday for a month to help desensitize her fear of letting people down. She said just the thought made her sick to her stomach, and oh man, could I relate! She explains that when you decide to break your pattern of self sacrifice and deprivation, you  need to start saying “NO”, setting limits and boundaries in place to protect your time, energy and emotional needs. Eeek, this can still be very challenging for me. 

I will give you a couple of recent examples… You see I have a dear friend who is so much fun to be around, we laugh hysterically and can finish each others sentences. Having said that, lets just say she has a strong personality, which for the most part, I admire. We balance each other out, as she has taught me to speak up, and I have hopefully taught her patience and kindness. She is really hard for me to disappoint though! Since I have been intuitively paying attention to my unique needs everyday, sometimes my body wants a gentler day of exercise. Or maybe after my dance class in the morning, I don’t have the steam for a two hour weightlifting workout in the evening with her. Well I joined the gym with my friend, with the intention of encouraging each other to hit the weights and workouts hard. I have had to learn to listen to my body, and be okay with her being really disappointed in me if I choose to skip working out with her. You know what though? She gets over it and doesn’t hesitate to cancel on me when her busy life gets in the way.
 
I have even had to disappoint my precious husband, which is probably the hardest one. I have come home with nothing left to give and had to be okay with changing my plans with him as well. These instances left me feeling truly empowered and happy in my mind and soul, because I was intuitively and lovingly caring for my needs.
 
I hope I have inspired you to tune into your needs, be courageous, and disappoint those in your life thereby setting yourself free!  
 
Copyright © 2018 Kathleen De Haven – All Rights Reserved.

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