Happy, Healthy You – No Expectations
Since my early 20’s, I have spent many years dedicated to my quest for a happy, healthy mind, body and soul. Yes, I have seen a few therapists in my life but I have always aimed to be my own therapist. I absolutely love to learn, gain personal knowledge and experience, learn from my mistakes and try to apply what I’ve learned. I have read hundreds of books on a wide range of topics; weight loss, plant based eating, healing the body with food, fitness, weight lifting, natural remedies, emotional eating, healing from a traumatic childhood, self care, self love, toxic relationships, setting boundaries, codependency, marriage, parenting etc. My journey in the beginning always seemed to focus primarily on my weight loss. If I could get to my goal weight, than I would finally be happy. My weight consumed me really. I never stopped trying to lose weight and went on many different diets hoping to find the right one. I would lose weight and gain the same weight back plus more.
The biggest changes in my life have happened in the last seven years. First of all, I shifted my focus from what the scale read to doing what was healthy for my body. I educated myself on nutrition and really tuned into what my body needed to be healthy and disease free. At the same time, I began to patiently and lovingly peel back the layers of my emotional pain. I saw firsthand that in order to heal what is on the outside, I had to start on what is on the inside. In my 30’s, I remember a trusted, close friend suggested that I work what was on the inside first. She was genuine and very concerned for my health as I was at my heaviest. Even though I did not know how to begin or what tools to use, I realize now I wasn’t really ready. Denial was my coping mechanism.
A few years back I was finally willing and ready to face myself in the mirror. There was one book, out of all the ones I read previously, that was life changing for me. It was Fearless Living by Rhonda Britten. And there was one powerful chapter that stood out from the rest. If I chose to apply it, I could drastically change my relationship with others and more importantly, my relationship with myself. It was Chapter 6 entitled No Expectations.
According to Rhonda Britten, ‘expectations can poison your relationships with others, both personal and professional. When you expect something from someone else but never express that expectation, you are asking that person to be a mind reader, making silent contracts. Expectations that are unspoken, unrealistic and unmet can cause us to punish the ones we love. Expectations can lead us to feel deprived, resentful, victimized, irritated and disappointed with our life. It becomes too easy to point fingers and blame everyone else for what’s wrong in our lives instead of looking inside ourselves for the answers. We can learn to be committed to our own personal accountability and start to clearly communicate our needs and wants. We can take responsibility for our own state of mind. Bottom line, you are the only one who is responsible for your choices and the way you live your life. You can focus on who you are, what you want and who you are becoming. You can learn to practice self acceptance, personal responsibility and proactive, soul nurturing behaviors.’
I found the tools in this book to be powerful and life changing. I hope you are able to read it and that it resonates with you as well. As always, I wish you continued success on your health and weight loss journey.
Copyright © 2018 Kathleen De Haven – All Rights Reserved.